Brad Westness.com

As you may have heard, Guillermo del Toro recently decided that large delays in the production schedule of The Hobbit movies meant that he could no longer commit himself to directing them. He lived in New Zealand for two years working on the project, co-writing the script, designing creatures and settings and planning sequences. But as the project’s start date slipped again and again, he decided that he couldn’t commit another three years to living in New Zealand, and not working on any of his other projects.

Although understandable, this is sad news, to be sure, as a Guillermo Del Toro directed The Hobbit was pretty much a fantasy-film nerd’s dream come true. It also begs the question: Who will replace him as director? The film is being produced by Peter Jackson, but he says he won’t direct it, so another director is being brought in. Here are my suggestions for who could replace Del Toro (with a hefty dose of wishful thinking).

The Nominees

Sam Raimi

Has similar beginnings to Peter Jackson, with his background in camp-horror (the Evil Dead movies). The Spider-Man franchise was just taken away from him, so maybe he’s looking for another series to get aboard. His inventive style would work well with the action sequences, as opposed to the handheld, hyper-fast cutting that most Hollywood directors favor these days. Has a good eye for squishy practical effects so everything doesn’t just scream “Hey, it’s CGI!” And who wouldn’t want to see Bruce Campbell show up somewhere? Maybe as Beorn.

Eli Roth

Similarly to Raimi, he also comes from a camp-horror background, and has connections to Peter Jackson, who gave a favorable blurb for the cover of his film Cabin Fever, and produced (or “presented”) Hostel. Like Raimi, he could potentially bring a nice “practical effects” feel to the film rather than over-using CGI. Cons: seems like kind of a douche.

Alfonso Cuarón

Directed the third Harry Potter movie (“The Prisoner of Azkaban”), which is widely regarded as the best in the series. Is friends with Guillermo Del Toro, so he might be called in as a favor. Also, he hasn’t had a feature film since 2006’s excellent Children of Men, so he’s about due for a big project.

Brian Singer

Directed the widely acclaimed first two movies in the X-Men franchise. Is friends with Peter Jackson (see the King Kong special features). Liabilities: Also directed the widely derided Superman Returns, so studio executives might not have a lot of faith in his ability to helm another prequel to a beloved franchise.

Neill Blomkamp

Wunderkind director of last year’s Oscar nominated District 9, which Peter Jackson produced. Has a great ability to fuse realistic CGI with live-action elements without it looking showy or drawing attention to itself.

Gore Verbinski

Sure, the last two Pirates of the Caribbean movies kinda sucked. But the effects were cool, and the first one was great, right? Also, The Weather Man was pretty good.

Please God Don’t Let It Be One Of These People

Chris Columbus

Director of The Goonies (which is OK, but not as cool as everyone seems to remember) and the first two Harry Potter movies (not a fan), this guy seems to get his tenterhooks into all the big fantasy series(es?). He just directed the initial entry for the ‘tween’ fantasy series Percy Jackson. He would, undoubtably, make a Hobbit with leaden pacing, distractingly cheesy computer-generated special effects, and a forced sense of “wonderment.” Leave this guy to the little-kid fantasy. Or, just take the fact that he made I Love You, Beth Cooper as grounds to ban him from directing anything, ever.

Tim Burton

Although Pee-wee’s Big Adventure is great, using Tim Burton would ensure that The Hobbit had the same faux “dark” gothic feel that Burton’s been recycling ever since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in 2005. I don’t think he could resist putting his stamp all over the film, preventing Tolkien’s vision from shining through. Plus, he would probably cast Johnny Depp as Elrond or something (gross).

Brett Ratner

He took over the X-Men series from Brian Singer after X2, to greatly diminished returns. His Hobbit would be overstuffed, crass and uninteresting.

Roland Emmerich

The director of 10,000 BC, 2012, and the 1998 Godzilla. This guy overuses CGI and underuses coherent plot and non-crappy dialogue.

Brad Siberling

Directed Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, so studio heads might think he’s a good fit. However, he also directed 1995’s Casper and the recent flop Land of the Lost, and an episode of Cop Rock. No thanks.

Ridley Scott

The director of Alien, Blade Runner, Legend, and Gladiator might seem like a good choice, but I feel like his recent work (Kingdom of Heaven, American Gangster, Robin Hood) shows that he would slow the movie down with forced “weightiness” and “themes” that feel like scolding. Also, he made that stupid “Russell Crowe drinks wine” movie A Good Year. What?

My Dream Pick: Alfonso Cuarón

I loved Children of Men so hard. Even his A Little Princess is great (and very similar in tone and style to Peter Jackson’s Heavenly Creatures). The idea of seeing the action set pieces of The Hobbit rendered with Cuarón’s long takes, “you-are-there” direction and seamless integration of special effects is the version of The Hobbit that I would most like to see (after Del Toro’s, of course).

So that’s all the potential directors I can think of. If you’ve got other ideas, I’d love to hear them!